Cowboy Angel in the Sky
Written by: Michelle Ryan December 3rd, 2014
My name is Jordan Micheal Ryan, I am 5 years old. Here is a little background about me and my life. I was passionate about many things in life. Some of those things are: Football, riding my bike, fishing, camping, animals, grandpa time, my cowboy boots, my family, my friends, school, and much much more. I was a bright child and had a way with people, I knew how to touch a heart and leave a print that lasts forever. I loved to see people smile and laugh. This is my story and this is how I became the Cowboy Angel in the Sky.
It all started Friday September 27th, 2013. I woke up and went to my mommy’s room, where I found her still snuggled in bed looking at me with a smile. Mommy pulled me into bed threw the covers over me and snuggled me like she often did. Then realizing the time she leaped out of bed rushing around the house texting several people and calling grandma. Mommy was rambling on about how she needed a sitter for us kids and how she wasn’t feeling right about something that day. But like always she had a duty that she took great pride in with her clients at her job. Mommy’s boyfriend’s friend called her and I heard them making play date plans, Oh how I love play dates.
We rushed out the door after eating a bowl of cereal and getting dressed to take grandma to her appointment. We got to grandmas house and picked her and Uncle Wyatt up and headed to grandmas work. While waiting for grandma my favorite song came on and Uncle Wyatt and I got into a fight. It’s an Uncle Nephew kind of love. Grandma got back in the car and it was off to drop grandma and Uncle Wyatt off.
Then I got in the front seat and asked mommy to play my favorite song 1,2,3 like a bird I sing by Tim McGraw, we jammed out to it and sang along as we drove over to Mary’s house. Never had I imagined it would be the last thing I ever did with my mommy again. We got to Mary’s and she opened the door letting us in and immediately putting away her pit bull Bentley. Mommy isn’t to fond of pit bulls and I could never understand why til now. While mommy and Mary talked us kids started to play with Mary’s kids in the living room. Mary asked mommy if she wanted something to drink and mommy said sure I will have a soda and they stepped into the other room. While they were getting a soda I was asked if I wanted to go see the new dog.
I love dogs so I said yes, I was led out to the dog yard where little did I know I wasn’t suppose to be. There was a house rule that there were no kids allowed in the dog yard but no one ever told me that. A boy I thought was my friend opened the back door and let me out into the dog yard and while I began to play I got left alone and the door got shut on me and that is where the gruesome story begins.
At first I was ok for a few seconds then my fate was all to clearly marked. That beastly dog came out after me biting me in the temple and knocking me unconscious. As he continues to bite into my flesh and ripping into my throat no one knows and no one can hear. Mommy on her way to work won’t ever get to say goodbye is all I can think. Everything is calm and peaceful, I feel no pain. I hear some commotion, and screams for 911. I feel so cold and all alone. Everything is clear now I see mommy screaming at someone on the phone.
I see Mary standing over me and mommy trying to frantically get away. I cry out for my mommy but she can’t hear me, I grab her but she can’t feel me. I ask her why she is crying but she doesn’t respond. I see two men running to my side and a police officer. Sarah and Carlos my brother and sister they are all here crying but why won’t they talk to me? I am scooped up onto a gurney and rushed off to the hospital as I am slowly fading away. Finally my heart just stops and the man riding with me begins CPR. He is rambling off codes and telling me to hang in there and begging me to come back as mommy is on her way behind us. In the hospital I hear all kids of strange noises and see all kinds of strange people circling around my little body. What are they doing to me? Where is my mommy? Then suddenly I hear her voice they asked her a few questions and if she wanted to come to my side? Of course she does still not sure what is going on.
The nurse stops her to let her know I now have no heart beat and CPR had been started. Mommy started crying and hit the floor. Next thing I know she rushes in to my side only to see her almost hit the floor again. She reaches out and takes my little cold lifeless hand. The feel of it causes her to loose it as she begins to throw up, black out, and faint off and on she begs for my life and me not to leave her. I am not sure what to make of it as I am standing right here mommy why won’t you talk to me? Why can’t you see me? I see my grandma and my grandpa enter the waiting room waiting to find out what is going on I wonder why they too can’t see or hear me?
I see the guys from life flight enter my room and begin to prepare me, mommy can’t take it and rushes out of the room thank God grandpa is there to catch her. As they continue to work on me and prepare me I hear mommy talking to God silently from the heart.
“God this is not fair that is my baby boy in that room. He doesn’t deserve what he is going through, I can’t be selfish in this time of despair. Please let your will be done take my baby home remove his pain and suffering. Make him happy, healthy, and whole. Please cradle him in your arms and let him know he is deeply loved. I will cherish every minute I spent with him and will miss him so. Make him your Cowboy Angel of the Sky but please end his pain and suffering and let him be free. Please keep your promise of eternity with him to me. Let him know everyday how much I deeply love him and how I miss him so!!”
She came into the room and Dr. Delashmutt sat her down, she was still crying and he bowed his head. He looked up at mommy with tear filled eyes and said, “I am so sorry but we just aren’t going to make he has just lost to much blood.” Mommy went to leave and the nurse tried to stop her. The nurse told mommy that I was still alive and needed her, mommy got mad and told the nurse she couldn’t see me. She said,
“That is not my son and that is not life, when you compress his little chest to force his heart to beat, and you squeeze a balloon to force his little lungs to breathe that is not life. My son is on his way home.”
Mommy had to leave the room it was to much for her to bare. As she did I heard her scream I love you Jordan!!! I know she does and always will. I just wish she knew how much I loved her and love her still!!
Grandpa caught her in the waiting room and they went to the floor mommy screamed and screamed into grandpas chest and grandpa just held her tight. Grandpa managed to get mommy into a chair and continued to hold her tight til the nurse came out to her and said,
“We can’t stop CPR til you come back into the room.” Mommy said, “I don’t know what to tell you because I won’t go back in there I can’t see my baby boy like that!!” Grandpa broke in and said,”I wanna see my grandson now!”
Grandpa walked in and seen my little body in that bed he picked me up and held me in his arms and hugged me and kissed me. He told me how much everyone loved me and was going to miss me!!!! Thank goodness for fast thinking from grandma she jumped on the phone and started calling in friends and family that love us to support mommy through it. I remember my Aunts and Uncles and friends gathering at the hospital and even our Pastor from church Brad Phillips came in to show mommy love and support. Our Pastor stuck by mommy’s side for several hours afterward and he even went with mommy to show her support in telling my big brother and sister that I didn’t make it.
I was so proud of the way mommy told them and so was everyone else around several people teared up. Sarah and Carlos wanted to know where I was and why I wasn’t with her. Mommy told them with tear filled eyes I am so sorry Jordan didn’t make it. Sarah took it the hardest and grandma caught Sarah and held her in her arms. Mommy proceeded to tell Sarah and Carlos that sometimes God needs an Angel and this time Jordan was the one he needed for the job. He would be our special Cowboy Angel in the Sky. It was going to hurt and it wouldn’t be easy to go on without me. But that together they could do it and that I will always be in their hearts, and that someday when the time is right we will all be together again for all of eternity. I love and miss them dearly and wish they could hear me when I tell them so. I know they find some kind of peace knowing I am forever their special Cowboy Angel in the Sky and will always be close to their side.